Part II: Marrieds & Gays

As I mentioned earlier, the statistics on San Francisco are alarmingly favorable for women-like-me.  One of the few places in the world where wealth is still being generated, San Francisco also boasts outdoor activities that attract athleticism; entrepreneurial infrastructure that attracts ambition; west coast politics that attract open-mindedness. The problem? The demographic studies fail to capture the alarming difference between the single and coupled populations. All those attractive, athletic, successful men with good values who like wine tasting on weekends? They’re married, or gay.

It would be one thing if the male population in San Francisco was simply undesirable. Then you could forget the whole thing and start focusing on the benefits of spinsterdom. But what makes San Francisco even worse is that you’re constantly surrounded by men you’d like to date, in the types of relationships you’d like to have. San Francisco denies us the occasional self-indulgent escape of dismissing all men as scum.

Take my day today: I spent the morning with an investor, a 39-year-old, 6’5” former NCAA rower who did social policy research before returning to business school. He’s funny and laid back and has been married for ten years to a gorgeous woman with whom he has two young children and a golden retriever. I then went to lunch with a client, a college rugby player with a goofy grin and great laugh who’d earned three degrees and started two successful companies before the age of 30; we discussed finance reform and his triathalon training and plans for his wedding to his college girlfriend in October. I left the office early to go for a bike ride with a close friend, a 6’2” blond, blue-eyed, perfect bone structured former model, now an investment banking MD who volunteers on the weekends. He’s waiting for California to legalize gay marriage so he can propose to his boyfriend of five years.

So when people talk about all the things that make San Francisco a great city – the farmer’s markets and top-notch restaurants and hikes and trips to wine country – they fail to mention that the people taking advantage of those experiences are couples and large groups of women [enviously eyeing the couples]. The single men are all at home playing video games.